can you hear me vodka, its dayna
Jan. 10th, 2009 | 05:26 pm
im not depressed. but im not happy. idk how to describe this emotion... it is a jumble of feelings. i am disapointed, restless, bored, regretful, and unmotivated.... a list of words i am not used to using to describe myself ... nor an enjoyable set of charcteristics.
i would much rather feel hopeful, strong willed, excited, motivated and proactive. ... instead im laying on my mom's couch watching the ravens vs titans game. ... i guess that would normally make me happy, i enjoy watching the ravens play... but i am not interested in the events this evening. .... i want to know why.
im at a loss for what this winterbreak i am given is to be used for. i have two weeks left and i have nothing to show for it except getting drunk and attempting to convince myself this will be a better year than the last.... when truly i can not see how that would be possible.
im broke... i need new clothes. work is slow... and im begining to dispise it. i want more!!! i need something else.... im waiting...
..... go ravens!
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this cold heart is melting...
May. 10th, 2008 | 04:37 am
truth. the truth is i left his condo smiling. truth is .... he is exactly what i need. truth is i spent 10pm-330am watching xfiles laying on a couch with the cutest guy i have ever seen. truth is he doesnt even know how amazing he is. truth is... i want to show him.
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blah blah blah blah blah.... your mom
Mar. 20th, 2008 | 02:19 pm
its 230pm... i need a beer
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my mind misses you
Mar. 9th, 2008 | 10:35 pm
i feel like im in a battle. the stable me vs 13 yr old dayna whos screaming n kicking on the floor. i feel like someone has just raped me. grabbed me by the back of the head n throws me onto the floor. clothes are torn off and im laying naked, back against the floor, with a knife at my throat. and this undesirable cock slides into my pussy. and im fucking crying but it doesnt stop... my metephorical cock for life is fucking me ....
im ready to say fuck it all. i dont know when living became so fucking hard. idk when just existing was so exhausting. idk when i cried last before tonight.
im tired of feeling so fucking alone. like no matter how loud i scream .... no one will ever hear me. and i dont give a fuck if im difficult. i can do what ever the fuck i want. im the one whos fucked up in the head. im the one who is ....
im a mess.... and all i want is understanding. if i act selfish ..... let me be selfish. people that know the real me will know that this is not the real me right now, they know how 2 take care of a beatin up little kid.... i sure as hell am one right now.
im so pathetic how weak i am right now. FUCK YOU ALL FUCK YOU ALL FUCK YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]
you fucking bastards! i hate you all. fuck off and kill yourselves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i think im gana do something drastic. .... something secret.... n fucking terrible.
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does this look familiar? its cuz i stole it right off your page fool! love u sarah!
Feb. 12th, 2008 | 02:31 pm
''Anyways''
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(no subject)
Feb. 6th, 2008 | 08:00 am
i am only here to make you smile. lets be happy. lets be ourselves..... every moment. im ready. im ready to laugh
